I long for creative words to write about you. To feel healed so that I may write a song or poem. Something. Words to empower others, as others have done through lyrics and psalms. But they never come. Not while I live off your’s. Following them, analyzing all their possible meanings. I internalize wishing to have given up on you first. Needing to have given up on you first. Weakness consumed me and I held on. Held on to false hope and past dreams. Happy memories now so bitter. I need you for me. I want you to stay not for you. Don’t you see? I am better with you. How was it not the same for you?
You are fulfilled and recognized, moving past the shadows and manipulation hidden in the dark. You’ve stepped into the light and discovered true joy. What choice do I have? I let go. Knowing that you have moved on. Knowing that you already forgot. Knowing that there is no going back. If only I could say it was a selfless act….I long for you to return, but equally long for you to be happy despite that meaning without me.
My heart will forever be broken. In time, I hope to be better for it.