The moment barriers come down, you’ve dropped your boundaries, your frictions, and something unexpected happens. Always, without fail. You prepare yourself for the future. Embracing the past and depending on healing touches. Craving it. Something, anything to get your mind off the pain and horror. The heart-wrenching burn that tears cannot soothe. The embarrassment that only comes from hindsight.
And then your past comes back in the most subtle way. Does he care that he just erased the finish line you have been sprinting after? You second guess yourself. Scrutiny begins, digging deeper in hopes of finding a clue. Praying for a silver lining, settling for continued hollowness. You default on your last assumptions because anything new might just make you shatter. Don’t leave me. No, run away. What is happening? Do you know what you want anymore? Like heat flashes you go in and out of stable. No one else notices but you. Sigh…because you are tired. Tired, questions go unanswered. Tired, that with every clue you find of him you regret more and more. Is he listening? He sought out another fairy tale ending, why can’t you?