The Little Things

She has OCD. Like severely. Everything is done in pairs, an even number of times. Odd numbers were out. When they first met she explained this to him. She had to; too many things were setting her off at school and she needed his help. Wouldn’t you know he was the same way? At least, that is what he claimed. He maintained this façade until the end, at which point the cracks became more apparent and she questioned if any of it was really true.

She used gummy bears as an example. There is a certain order to eating gummy bears. Everyone has their method, but this one is the most correct. Trust this! First you need an even number of each color. Pair them with like colors. Eat yellow, light red, red, clear, saving green for last. From that moment on, whenever they ate gummy bears together, he would go through as many gummy bear bags necessary to set up the perfect arrangement. She got the red, clear, and green. He got the yellow and light red. Even though those were his least favorite, he didn’t care; he wanted to do it for her. French fries (only rounded ends), peanut M&Ms, you name it, and he made it anti-OCD for her. She grew to depend on his need to do this for her. When this attention slowly ceased to exist, her dependency spiraled. She worried about infidelity. Intimate or just friends, she worried she would lose him in one way or the other. The little things. The little signs.

When she eats gummy bears now, she sets it up exactly the same way, but it never quite tastes the same. It never will again. The flavor of the candy was no longer the reason why she craved them.

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