What’s the Time?

Before I go any further, I want to caveat that what I am about to write is ridiculousness at its finest. But I have to get it off my chest.

I can’t shake Kyle getting rid of that chatting app. I text this to Carrie in hopes that it’ll lighten my mind and help me push the thought away. But it doesn’t. Instead, I replay in my mind how I think it went down when he removed the app. Am I serious?! To take it further, I rewind the last year and a half. I take comfort in knowing that up until September, he was hurting too. He hadn’t forgotten about me. Good. But then he stopped writing, and at about the same time, I stopped reaching out to him. Sure, I was still torn up inside and struggling to understand, but I realized I was fighting an uphill battle. Playing forward, I act like a fool in January as I have a knee jerk reaction to what he does. Okay, I’ve come to terms with that…but then sometime in the middle of June he does this.

It is the timing of it all that drives me insane. Why not? Did you realize you were never going to use that app again and thought now was a good time to delete? Because you can’t stand the idea of it on your phone? Because you just don’t need it anymore, meh. Or maybe……long stretch…..having it on your phone brings back too many memories. Did I mention how ridiculous I am being? Carrie’s right, I can’t read into the timing too much because it could be just random. And I believe it; I delete apps all the time randomly after realizing I don’t need them. But after January, it just seemed to make more sense if this all happened at once. I don’t understand why he still had this on his phone to begin with. As for anything else on his phone, I have no idea. But I do feel some comfort in knowing that it took this long.

Maybe our friendship is harder to forget.

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