He made an appearance in my dream last night. In this dream, I decided I would go through all his social media to “catch up” and see how he was doing. Time had healed all wounds. I read about his new life, family, and poetic pieces. And although much time had passed since we said our farewells, a few were still about me. Time had healed almost all wounds. The rest of the dream is a blur.
Over a year has passed since I committed to wiping him from my everyday. I no longer blame God for what happened. I needed someone to blame and why would I blame myself? At the time, that rationalization made sense. I realize now I shouldn’t have blamed God, but the church or people that pulled him away. Something about that church never quiet felt right and although that sounds horrible to admit/read…it is true. I broke my heart trying to keep what we had alive, to believe that what we shared was something more/stronger than love. It was all so in the moment.
Dreams stay as dreams now. They say never let go of your dreams, but some are best not interpreted and remembered. There are still times, and I believe it’ll always be this way, where a song, smell, etc. will gently jab my side: my subconscious keeping him relevant.