Forced Healing

“You don’t make me feel like you used to.
That’s why I’m leaving
That’s why people leave each other
They come to their senses and get selfish again.”

Now you’re left with having to unexpectedly move on. Memories betray you. Your feelings and emotions exponentially increase. Everything is out of your control, and yet you fight.

You never think during your average day about the relationship you’re in because you think you have one more day. You always think you have more time. But as soon as it’s over, it’s all you can think about. You rack your mind trying to figure it out. You think about how this or that will be the last time to ever happen, or how you’ll never experience certain with him again. And because you never treat things like it could be the last time, you take it for granted.

Right after it’s over, it’s fresh so the details matter more than they should. Years or even months from now none of this will matter. But right now, you dwell and analyze, and second guess. You bother your best friend for insight. You already know she’s going to tell you to move on, but you want someone, anyone to tell you he’ll be back. That he still loves you and cares. But does he?

He is content with falling asleep knowing you’re crying and hurting. Not knowing what you did today. He no longer cares or worries. His words were only words.

The saddest end to a relationship is one when you can’t be with somebody you’re still in love. Truth is, as powerful and as thrilling as it may be, being in love doesn’t always mean happiness. You can continue to love someone even after they’ve hurt you, but you know deep inside that it won’t ever be the same again.

In the end, you’re left with a hollow, empty feeling. A void from losing your best friend. Your lover. What do you do now with all these emotions that consumed you?

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